Three Tips On How To Best Take Care of Yourself During A Divorce From Susan Shofer, Your Divorce And Custody Ally
Divorce is one of the most traumatic events one can experience. It’s not only about the legal and economic pressures, parental alienation, and what once was a loving relationship turning into a battlefield. It’s also about broken dreams and vows, deflated self-worth and self-confidence, and even health challenges. Susan Shofer, your divorce and custody ally has been down this road. Her own revelatory experience with a long contentious divorce prompted her to write “The Divorce Recovery Ladder: Your Step-By-Step Guide To Successfully Climb Out of Your Divorce,” a book that will help you to navigate all the aspects of such an event, including taking care of yourself.
Here are Susan Shofer’s top three tips on how to best take care of yourself during a divorce and get in shape for your better future.
1. Stop thinking about your Ex
Fantasizing about those times when you blissfully lived together or thanked the heavens for finding your soul mate won’t turn back time and help you find joy in life again.
“All too often, I have observed people become stuck in the fantasy that their spouses will reunite with them. This thinking leaves them unable to take the appropriate steps to navigate through their divorce, which leads to bad settlements, disappointments, and the inability to move on with their lives,” explains Susan Shofer in her book, “The Divorce Recovery Ladder: Your Step-By-Step Guide To Successfully Climb Out of Your Divorce.”
Stay away from places and restaurants where you used to go together as well as “your” songs. Don’t drive in your Ex’s neighborhood whether it’s their workplace or current residence “by accident.” Avoid asking your common friends and acquaintances how he/she is doing.
Fill your inner void and leisure hours with activities that nurture your heart and make you feel great in your skin. Take-up that hobby you’ve always died to do, but never had the time for while you were married. Use your artistic flair and creativity to refresh your living space.
2. Develop an emotional support system
If you’re like me, you probably don’t want to see anyone when your heart is broken. You’d rather lock yourself in your bedroom with plenty of pizza and ice-cream, watch romantic comedies, and sob at any scene that brings up memories of your past love enveloped dreams. Susan Shofer advises you to take opposite action. The grueling experience of a divorce, especially when you’re the one left behind requires a strong support system. Even if you decide to hire a therapist, your family members and dear friends can equally help you.
Do fun things together, go to dinner and the movies, travel to a place you’ve never been to before. And never, ever take anything personally.
“A therapist once told me that the divorce experience would show me who my real friends are. No truer words were ever spoken. Divorce often creates a division in friendships. Some of your joint friends may align themselves with you and others will go with your spouse. This is the natural turn of events. Please don’t take it personally,” explains Susan Shofer in her book, “The Divorce Recovery Ladder: Your Step-By-Step Guide To Successfully Climb Out of Your Divorce.”
3. Make self-care a priority
According to the well- known Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale (found on the following page), divorce is the second highest stressor next to the death of a spouse. No wonder it can wreak havoc on your health. It’s time for you to make self-care a priority.
Susan Shofer recommends exercising your body, a healthy diet, and plenty of rest as the top three pillars of self-care during a divorce.
“Please find something, ANYTHING that will get your body moving to rid it of stress. Exercise releases endorphins which are hormones that promote the feeling of well-being and you need to feel well during your ordeal,” writes the author.
Your diet should avoid processed food and should include fruits, vegetables, lean meats, and multivitamin supplements.
When it comes to sleep, make sure you get as much rest as you need to maintain an optimal level of health.
By following these simple three steps, you will maintain a high level of energy and feel good in your skin. Once you start to emotionally distance yourself from your ex-spouse, you will be able to start healing and enjoy life again.