Probably the strangest swimming record ever recorded in the aquatic annals of the world belongs to Zebulon L. Muffgreen.
Muffgreen was born in Pheasant Grove, Utah, where his parents owned a combination bowling alley and greenhouse. He would often have to pick bowling pins out of the Japanese maple saplings when the Rotary Club was having a wild night. Muffgreen spent many futile hours trying to grow moss on a bowling ball, but he never got any further than turning the stubborn black balls into pure 24 caret gold — a complete waste of time, as you will agree.
But when Muffgreen turned 21 he decided to leave all that childish nonsense behind him and become a swimming coach in Death Valley. He felt this was his true vocation, and worked for 33 years at teaching horned toads and cactus wrens how to do the breast stroke — all out in the broiling heat, for he had no funds to build any kind of shelter.
But his noble though lonely efforts finally paid off when he was awarded a traffic ticket in downtown Burbank, California — which he still has hanging proudly on his wall at home — the State Home for Useless and Bypassed Individuals. It’s a nice place, you should come visit sometime.