How many of you think that your coffee tastes better with the news? C’mon now, raise your hands — teacher isn’t going to hurt you if you give the wrong answer. WHAM! There, that’ll teach you twerps to give the wrong answer. Just let it bleed, it’ll stop in a minute.
No, the fact of the matter is that coffee tastes much better if you just leave the news alone when you’re sipping on it. It won’t go sour or bitter or lose any of its sweetness. Now if you’re drinking a beer or swigging whisky, on the other hand, then you should definitely be listening to some totally intense news — to give you a valid excuse to chug-a-lug your way to a black out. Nine out of ten drunks in a recent poll said they preferred to hear about global warming or new tariffs while they were imbibing — but the next morning when they needed coffee they didn’t want any news, any noise at all, in their immediate area. This is what is known as “Insect Repellent.”